It’s funny how often we misinterpret things.
I’ve been going through a bit of effort, trying to better understand
some basic tenants of Christianity. Not because I’m a believer who wants to
delve deeper into my faith, but because I’m not a believer and I want to better
understand the intended thought processes, as opposed to the oft preached and
rarely practiced versions of so-called Christians.
For example, Mary being a virgin and Jesus being the product
of immaculate conception. This has caused great debate, even among
Christians. Catholic dogma insists that
Mary was a virgin for her entire life, but then the New Testament discusses
Jesus’ siblings (four brothers and at least one sister?) Another discussion
revolves around whether Mary was even a virgin in our current sense of the
word; the gospel of Matthew refers to
the prophecy in book of Isaiah, which speaks of the birth of the messiah and
Isaiah’s prophecy uses the Hebrew word almah in reference to the mother, which means a woman of marrying
age who has not yet birthed a child. Yet, Matthew’s gospel then changes and
uses the word parthenos, which alters the meaning of the word to someone who has never has sex, and thus changes
the story. Even this version wasn’t universally accepted until the Apostles’ Creed,
established by the Roman Catholic church in the 2nd Century. Interesting how differently we often
interpret things, or simply listen to a few basic words and run with them,
no? I’m in no way discounting the belief
that Mary was a virgin, but simply calling into question the foundation for
such beliefs.
Such foundations also led me to wonder about Jesus’ words
(as we know them to be) and the intent behind them. In Matthew, we read the story of the Sermon
on the Mount, and Jesus telling the people "You have
heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do
not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them
the other cheek also.” (Matthew 5:38-39) The common acceptance of this is that
we should allow someone who has hurt us to hurt us again, showing forgiveness
and mercy. But, given a little more
research (see Engaging the Powers: Discernment and Resistance in a World of
Domination by Walter Wink, or, for you net junkies: www.reenactingtheway.com/blog/turning-the-other-cheek-jesus-peaceful-plan-to-challenge-injustice)
it’s not difficult to see that there may be far more this this story – in the
time which Jesus lived, it was commonplace for a Roman soldier to backhand
someone of a lesser class. As most soldiers were right handed, this means the
blow would have landed on the right cheek. So, to turn and offer the left cheek
would require a square punch from the right hand, something reserved for equals
only. This wasn’t just about forgiveness and keeping retaliation at bay, but
also about demanding the respect of being human and an equal. Jesus didn’t preach of allowing someone to
abuse you, or to hurt you repeatedly, but of offering pardon for the offense,
while still being strong about your own personal rights. His eloquent speech is
that of acting in such a manner that doesn’t incite more problems, but quietly
levels the battlefield.
For me, it’s been a journey of so many of
my own beliefs and feelings. I tend to live in the world of forgiving those who
hurt me. BUT, for so long I’ve simply done so and allowed the mistreatment to
continue. This was true for nearly every relationship in my teen years and into
my adult life. It wasn’t until my 30s that I truly established a place of
requiring that I be treated with respect, while still offering the
forgiveness. I work hard at not being
retaliatory and not further fueling the fire when I feel hurt. I’m far from perfect, and I stumble; it’s
often easy to allow myself to let venom drip from my tongue when I’m feeling
attacked. ( le Sigh.) But, I still believe in the good. I still feel the urge to let
bygones be bygones and move forward. I love fiercely. I love without pretense.
I love without reciprocation. And I’m okay with that. However, I’m learning to
quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) demand to be treated as the person
delivering the blows would choose to be treated. Which doesn’t always go over
well.
So, where does this leave me? More often than not, in disappointment.
Because I work so hard to be better, to love harder, to offer greater respect,
I have expectations that the actions will be returned. Is it often said that we will receive back
what we put out into the world. Many of
these proverbs even promise our charity will come back tenfold. So, how am I to take it when my life isn’t an
example of this, but rather an exception?
I guess, in the long run, I forgive. It’s
what I know. But, does that have to mean submersing myself in the situation
again and allowing myself to be vulnerable to being hurt over and over? Where
is the limitation? To what end? If I
continue to condone the behavior by being a part of the scenario, am I
perpetuating it? And what good does that do either party?
I’m still navigating these waters and I
don’t yet have an answer. I’m loyal to a fault, and I know it. Perhaps acknowledging
it is enough?
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